I am writing because I am sad, and the thing is, I don't know why.

I certainly recognize that, at the death of Michael Jackson, a generation has lots its idol. I was too young to remember Jackson at his peak popularity (I was born the year Thriller was #1 on the Billboard charts), and perhaps Nimori put itest when she said

"By the time you grew up, he was already weird".

Yeah, pretty much. I mean, no doubt I knew about Jacksons music, but my knowledge stems much from parody and mockery as anything else.

I must say, that while I was fascinated by the freekshow (yes, be he dead or alive, that is what his life was) I never really cared per se, about how he lived his life. I had no emotional connection to his music, no emotional connection to his legacy. As far as I was concerned If he had enough money to live in a house called "Neverland" and play with childrens toys his whole life, then I couldn't care less if that is what he did.

It was his life, until little boys came into the picture.

No, he wasn't convicted of anything, but lets be honest with ourselves, he was acquitted because of his name and his money. Justice isn't Black or White, justice is Green.

But calling him a "pervert" or a "pedaphile" is too easy, and too simplistic. I wish I could say that his actions were premeditated, that I could dismiss his memory, but I can't. Not when I see him moonwalk, and no when I see old clips of him singing and dancing.

I can't.

does that make me naive? No, I don't think so. I still acknowledge what I, and many others suspect he did, and that is ... well, I cannot define it. Did he do things with boys that were inappropriate? Probably, did he understand fully what he was doing? Probably not.

Does this excuse his actions? No, not at all. He was a child at heart, and that was his undoing. His naivety, his excess, and his demands (all resemble the actions of a 10 year old boy) were his undoing. He should have been forced into therapy, he should have gotten help, but he didn't

He was lonely, and isolated and above all, he couldn't face the man in the mirror. I am sad, not because the world lost a talented man, but that Michael Jackson could never really become the man I think he so desperately wanted to be. He could never dig himself out of that self-loathing hole.

I know I should just remember the music, but the music was only one part of the man. My ultimate hope is that we remember and acknowledge all of him, his life, his problems, and ultimately, his legacy.

Because despite everything, there will never be another King of Pop.

I only hope that will be good enough for him, wherever he is now.